No one understands, people can only follow so far in your shoes before they stop feeling what you feel. I’ve always fought depression going through ups and downs never staying on emotion for every long. Take antidepressants people scream and i would if it didn’t make my suicidal thoughts worst, in those episodes there is no reason just thoughts like I wonder what it would feel like to jump off this bridge or huh I wonder what taking 100 pain killers would do well hell lets try. That’s what I deal with daily and some days are much worse than others.
I’m in pain 24/7 either physically or emotionally and it’s only a matter of time before I snap at someone, say something I didn’t mean to, and then all that is left is my guilt to eat me alive. No one knows this but when my depression starts eating me from the inside out I can’t bother to eat I’ll just get sick if I try. I’ve gone days without eating much no one ever notices after all why would they I’m fat they probably just think well good that bitch finally learned to keep her mouth shut.
My friends and family don’t deserve to suffer this along with me so I’m hermit-ting myself after all anything I do is just for attention right? Well if i’m not in the public i can’t obviously beg at peoples feet for that attention I must be so desperate for right? After awhile everyone will fill my spot with someone else that’s what time does keeps things going. I hope someday I’ll be able to control this but until then this is goodbye hopefully not for forever.
The Masked Life Of Miss Violet Jewel 