The Moon isn’t the Only Thing with a Dark Side

I think everyone has a dark side, a side of them that isn’t glamorous in the light. But someone’s dark side could be different from that of another’s, it could be the face of their anger or the body of seduction. Even the happiest of people have a dark side and it isn’t always noticeable either but in some cases it takes over a person.

Me for instance, for the most part I’m quite a cheery person with a deep love of cutesy things. But, my dark side is the most toxic thing around, it is very destructive and an emotional mess. It’s like flicking a switch almost a separate self and sometimes it’s not an easy switch back.

What do you do when you have a dark side that claws at the confines in which you hide it? What happens when that dark side shows itself in front of your loved ones? All I can say is this, no matter how deep you hide it or how much you lie to yourself about it it’ll show itself  and if those loved ones truly love you they won’t care.

A Dream

The smell of fresh pine and dirt, I take in deep breaths my body slowly spinning and all I can see is the green light shining through the tree tops.l Where I am or how I got there I give no mind all I can thinking of is the calm serenity of this forest. It’s not muggy or too hot, the soft breezes that dance through the trees keep me cool. There isn’t any stress, loud voices, just the sound of my satisfied sighs.  An yet there’s something else but it’s hushed under the sounds of nature. It’s almost like words but they’re so distant I can’t quite make out what the voice is saying.

The next thing I know I am running through the trees my feet pounding against the dirt, I feel the branches of shrubs hit my skin as I run by but they don’t hurt. I keep expecting my chest to burn and tiredness to set in, though I feel a small strain in my lungs it’s not uncomfortable in fact it make me force my body to go faster, a small laugh rings in my ears and at first I was unaware it was me that was laughing. To feel so much joy from doing something so trivial; still I ran I didn’t know where I was going this was a first visit for me but my body seemed to know where to go like I was being pulled into a specific direction.

I soon cleared the trees and before me was a cliff, slowly I walked up to the edge looking down and below laid a wide river the bluest water I’ve ever seen up close. Again I felt the breeze only it had chanced from it’s soft texture to something stronger and it carried the smell of the river almost  like the forest after the rain. I took a few steps back before jumping off the cliff. I felt no fear as I fell from the cliff just the wind whipping my hair against my face as I watched myself get closer to the water’s surface. As my body hit the waves making the water rippling I woke up not abruptly as if you had suddenly fallen but slowly like waking our of a peaceful slumber. A dream without any fear just contentment  that is a dream I wouldn’t mind having again too bad life wasn’t like that.

How Do You Change a Path?

Have you ever just lost inspiration? I just can’t seem to do anything creative I know that people get writer’s block but it feels different. All I feel is emptiness,  almost like I’m soulless  and it’s a little unnerving. I think it’s just because I’ve spent a lot of time by myself.

It’s not all bad though I’ve spent some time with Knight though not as much as I thought I would’ve. Even though my plans haven’t gone accordingly I have made a few good memories along with a few good pictures. The lake in the middle of town is absolutely gorgeous and probably the best feature.

I’m starting to fall asleep as I type this so perhaps it’s time for me to get some shut eye. After all I have to get up early to babysit my brother which as the days go on is becoming easier. This time spent here is both exciting and painstakingly dull but how to spice it up?

I Could Use a Four Leaf Clover

Well my plans so far haven’t gone quite the way I planned. Jane hasn’t had any time to hang out with me I’m not all that surprised our schedules don’t exactly sync up. As for hanging out with Knight I got to spend a night of gaming with him before his family left to go visit his aunt. I hope I get to hang with him today but who knows at this point.

I’m a little concerned about me babysitting my younger brother for the next two weeks. He hasn’t been home for a week yet and already he’s had two melt down. He’s 11 years old and has a type of autism that he doesn’t understand why he can’t do things that adults or older child do. He also has violent outbursts when people won’t do what he wants.

An example of what I mean is yesterday he wanted to walk to his grandma’s house who lives a good 3 or more miles outside of town by himself. When explained that he wasn’t allowed because he was too young to go anywhere by himself safely and the fact she lived too far he stomped upstairs angrily. That was just a small thing and we thought it had blown over after dinner until when it became bed time and he told my mom that he didn’t have to listen to her because he was a big boy and could choose to do whatever he liked now that he wasn’t in the special facility anymore.

He also demanded that my mother go out and buy him an iPad because she had a Kindle and I too had a tablet. When explained that hers had been bought with tax return money before he had come back and that I had bought my own he screamed at the top of his lungs that he wanted an iPad and he wanted it now. It’s all very stressful because he doesn’t understand why he can’t do something no matter how simply we explained.

Starting tomorrow I start babysitting him full time by myself because my mom starts her new job tomorrow and my step-dad works 12 hour days. I can’t say that I’m particularly excited to do this by myself but it was either I babysit him or he would have to become a ward of the state all because he can’t do normal things by himself. Wish me luck?

Is it Possible to Date Without Dating?

I’ve had a long history with a man I like refer to as Knight About 7 years of history to be exact 4 of which was one sided and though our friendship was amazing it sucked not dating. At some point we ended up in a relationship and it was terrible! I hate to admit it like that but it did, add heat, sexual frustrations, and awkwardness together and you’ll have our relationship. I think that when we decided to put a title on us that it came with all these fantasy attachments that neither one of us were which just led to resentment and disinterest.

So this summer we’ve talked about dating without dating confusing isn’t it? We’re going to try to do the things that you do while dating without being titled and without sex getting in the way. I think that this way we can both enjoy our time together without some crazy expectation. Hours of video games and movies plus food sounds like an amazing way to spend my summer.

Though that’s not my only plans while I’m at my mother’s till the end of august, I do have to babysit my younger brother. Possibly hanging out with my best girlfriend Jane enjoying taking pictures and coming up with creative stories if she has the time that is. Jane can get pretty busy especially with her blog, tennis, and her diamond collecting. She could be a young Elizabeth Taylor. My only real plans for this summer is to make memories.

A New Start

I have another blog one that I still might keep up on but I felt like I needed a new start in life. I think everyone deserves a fresh page every now and again don’t you agree? My life isn’t exactly an action movie or a fairy tale romance novel but to me it’s utterly magical. 

Let me describe myself on the outside I am a plus size female with thin medium length brownish hair (I like to dye it red-brown) and my skin is naturally tan. Oddly as it is I hate my tan skin I always wished my skin was really pale almost like a ghost. Now about me personality wise I’m an odd mixture I love fairy tales but I also love things that are a darker theme. A friend once joked that one part of me is like bubble gum while the other side of me is like leather.

I have a very fond interest of murder mystery who-dunnit books, movies, and shows. One particularly and that is Sherlock Holmes recently my neighbor introduced me to the British T.V show Sherlock which is roughly based off of the stories of Sherlock Holmes. The man that plays Sherlock, Benedict Cumberbatch, puts on an excellent presentation of the notorious Sherlock Holmes and quite the looker if I do say so myself.