Where’s My Freedom America?

I’m almost 22 years old, female, and currently a college student who has to drop out this year because I can’t afford school. I come from a dirt poor family that can’t afford to pay what the state grants don’t. We don’t have a luxury car to sell for extra money and our house is falling down around us so we can’t sign against it. With my family so poor they can’t sign for a student loan for me and without a job they won’t give me a loan with just my signature. So just get a job people say, well i would if I could and it isn’t from a lack of trying. A few years back I worked at Walmart for the Christmas season as a cashier I LOVED my job as a cashier I had so much fun but I was temporary help and they let me go after the 30 day mark. My next job I took right after that was as a sign holder for Liberty Tax. I didn’t really enjoy it but I needed money and they had hired me right away so I did the job asked of me without complaint I dressed up in the green costume with a smile went out to the curb where others could see me and danced for hours holding the sign welcoming people to the business. People yelled at me, would get up in my face telling me how terrible Liberty Tax was and how worthless I was taking a job like that. I took pride in the fact I never cried in front of those people or yelled back at them. If I could survive this job I knew there would never be a job I couldn’t handle, to this day people still make fun of me for that job but I just brush the comments off because where they had too much dignity to take a job so low I did what was needed to help my family. Shortly after I was let go from Liberty the tax season coming to its end I was rehired by Walmart. But by this point I was starting to get very sick and Walmart was the best job I could get in this town so I tried as hard as I could to keep that job but I missed to many days of work being sick and I was let go. It wouldn’t be until the day after I was fired that I found out I had cancer and that was why I was so sick. I’ve been a year cleared after months of surgeries and trial drugs but after being fired from Walmart for excessive absentees now it seems I’ve been black listed for every job. So with out a job I can’t go to school, without school I can’t get a better job, and without a better job or a job at all for that matter someday I’ll be homeless, jobless, and on the street some where. I want to work, I want to learn, why aren’t there ways for lesser people to make a living? Isn’t this America? Where is my freedom?

An Ouran Fanfiction

Church bells ringing the hour as I look at the ceiling, the sun filtering threw my blinds. 5 rings, 6 rings, I turn toward my night stand glancing at the photo of a young couple and their happy young daughter. Well Mom, Dad, it looks like it’s the first day of school I know you’d be proud of me if you were here I hope it’s sunny up there in heaven. I sit up and grab my clothes before trudging to the bathroom to shower and change before school.

As I lock my door before leaving for school I happen to notice a man walking out the gate wearing an Ouran High uniform. Huh, I thought I was the only student in this building. After visiting the main office and grabbing my papers I make my way to my classroom. Opening the door the first thing I see is that boy again.Weird he’s here too. I pass the small groups of people reuniting and grab the seat in the back. As I lay my notebook and pencil case on my desk I look out the window taking in how beautiful the courtyard is.

As the morning classes ticked by I absently started doodling the courtyard not really paying attention as the teacher goes on with the lesson. I had all but drowned out everything but drawing when the lunch bell rang.

“Wow, that’s really pretty.”

I looked up shocked that some one was talking to me and it was him. Had I gone all morning without noticing he had moved beside me?

“My name is Haruhi. I haven’t seen you before did you move here this summer?”

I nodded as I shoved all my things in my bag hurriedly, trying to make an escape I wasn’t comfortable with talking to people especially ones I didn’t know.

“My name is Karasu I live in the same complex as you.”

I get up making my way to the door with Haruhi when two identical twins get on both sides of Haruhi gaining his attention I take this moment to escape unnoticed. I let out a sigh of relief.

In the lunch hall I sat with my tray picking at the food as I drew in my notebook. I looked up when someone sat across from me. It was Haruhi again.

“You sure know how to disappear.”

He smiled and like that I felt oddly at ease with him. The twins from before sat on either side of him, a small blonde child with a bunny, on the other side of him a much taller dark haired man sat next to me.

“Geez you guys don’t crowd her.”

“Hi friend of Haruhi would you like to hold Usa-chan?”

The small childlike boy said as he held up a small pink bunny to me. Not knowing what to do i gingerly tucked my arms around it with my chin resting on the top of it. One of the twins stood up waving his hands

“Hey Kyoya over here!”

I turned to look as another male sat down beside me. Dark hair short but layered, glasses that lay upon an unblemished nose and a face that could have been sculpted from marble, but all that paled in contrast of his eyes. Dark speculative eyes that danced as he wrote in a folder.

“So Haruhi aren’t you going to introduce us your new friend.”

At that moment I realized everyone’s eyes were on me but I couldn’t speak my mouth suddenly dry as a bone.

“Her name is Karasu. She moved into my complex this summer.”

“Another commoner eh? Geez they’re really letting this school go to the dogs. You must be very talented to come to Ouran.

Kyoya wasn’t the last scholarship Music and the Arts?”

“Yes it was. Miss Karasu might I interest you into joining the Host club you already know everyone but our prince. Besides we are always looking for a female opinion just think about it”

Before I could even say no the bell rang and everyone had left. Walking down the walls I was left with my thoughts though every ounce of me wanted to stay alone a small bit of me wondered if having friends would make me happier. Happier, like back to a time before they had left.

I opened the door to the art room letting out a huge sigh of relief as no one i knew was in there. I set up my easel and sketch pad there were no real rules on what to draw but to draw what came to you. As I started absently drawing I thought back to that man at lunch.

Kyoya.

He seemed like the silent type kind of like me I wonder if we have anything else in common. But how would I find out? Maybe it would be best if I just forget about him and concentrate on this drawing. I refocused my thoughts to this drawing only to see Kyoya’s face staring back at me. Or perhaps not.

The church bells rang as I walked out the school gates toward my small car. Today had been good odd but good. As I loaded my bag in the car I saw Haruhi leaving it was a long walk back to the complex perhaps I should give him a ride it was the least I could do after being so nice. I drove up to him.

“W-would you like a ride Haruhi?”

” Yeah I would love one.”

On the way home he turned to me.

“You don’t talk much do you?”

I shook my head no

“It’s ok I kept to myself a lot to when I first came to Ouran but then I joined the Host club and I came out of my shell more and more as the time went one.”

Walking down the hall of our apartments a man in drag stood out front of a door.

“Oh there you are my little princess why don’t you be a dear and open the door for daddy?”

Princess . . . . that would mean Haruhi was a . . . girl? stunned i kept walking to my apartment, today had definitely gotten weirder

Men dressing like girls, girls dressing like boys? Mom, dad, this is definitely not the same Japan you left me in. The next morning proved uneventful for the most part it was odd not sitting by myself and I found myself smiling at the twins playful banter. None of them pressed me to talk about myself I assumed Haruhi had talked to them or perhaps they were just being nice.

At lunch it was much of the same and on occasion I would steal a few glances at Kyoya and I would use whatever facial expression he had that day in art club. it wasn’t long before I had a portfolio of him. Mom, dad, this is the closest thing to happiness I have since you left.

Sitting on a cushy sofa I looked around the Host room. It was decorated lavishly and highly detailed almost like a painting. Everyone was bustling around from client to client. These were girls of impeccable breeding and status who would later marry and run multimillion dollar companies and households, yet they were flaunting their money and wasting their time here when they should be hard at work training for their future position. What a waste. I let out a silent humph.

“The Ouran Host club was made as a form of release for the female student body. We here pride ourselves in relieving tension that comes with high social standing and remands. What good is a princess if she is not mentally stable for her people?”

I looked up at Kyoya his eyes looking down in his journal as he wrote, I nodded absently. Tamaki stood in the middle of the room addressing everyone as he spoke.

“Ok everyone as today’s host club activities come to a close I would just like to remind everyone that the Host Club will be having a formal dance this coming friday and everyone is invited.”
Honey bounded toward me almost skipping with his bunny dancing behind him.

“Ka-san Ka-san you’ll be there right? She should go right Mori?”

Mori stood right behind him.

“Right.”
I

started to shake my head no when Honey looked at me with those sad baby eyes and I sighed in defeat and nodded yes.

“Yay we’ll dance with you ka-san all night!”

At home I lay on my bed sighing heavily, how do I get myself into these situations? I lightly rubbed my necklace. Mom, dad I wish you were here to help guide me, I hope you’re having fun in heaven. Heaving another sigh I slowly get up opening my second closet full of my mother’s old dresses.

I pulled out a silver ballgown holding it up to my body in the mirror I could almost see her staring back at me in the dress. I hung it on the closet door as a few tears slide down my cheeks. I collapse to the floor sobbing.

Friday night, I stood with my hands on the door knobs procrastinating going in. My mother’s silver dress fit nicely on me, the sleeves off the shoulder and the train of the dress trailed a few inches behind me. I paired the dress with sparkly dangle earring and silver heels that clicked when i walked. My hair had been clipped back so my curls cascaded down my back. I had dusted a small amount of silver glitter on my eyelids and a touch of pink on my lips. I took one final deep breath before pushing open the doors.

Oh how beautiful the dance floor was with couple spinning to the music, and like that they all stopped as I started to descend the steps. I could see Honey drop his cake he had started to eat, Hikaru and Kaoru had even stopped teasing tamaki to look, even Kyoya from where he stood in the back had stopped writing to glance up at me. As I took my last step off the stairs I grabbed Haruhi’s hand who was my escort this night. She just beamed at me.

“Karasu you look so pretty tonight.’ I blushed lightly.

The first couple of dances I shared with Haruhi, then Honey, then Mori, and as the night went I had danced with every member of the host except Kyoya. With a tap on my shoulder I turned to a bowing Kyoya.

“May I have this dance Karasu?”

I nodded before bowing in return. His arm fitted around my waist and the other grasped my hand bringing me much closer than the others had. As we twirled Kyoya spoke,

“You look absolutely stunning tonight. I have to admit I have been admiring you as of lately. You are quiet yet kind and don’t boast about your talents though I know you are the most talented painter in the art club. True beauty if you ask me.”

I blushed at his comments and before I knew it we were dancing by ourselves on the balcony in silence. When the song ended Kyoya led be to a bench over looking the rose garden from the balcony.

“As much as I wish to spend the night with you duty does in fact call I will send Haruhi out to escort you again, my love.”

I sat there in silent awe day dreaming, so warped in my dreams I hadn’t noticed the stranger lurking in the shadows of the door until he drunkenly sat next to me reeking of alcohol.

“Well hello doll face aren’t you a sight for sore eyes how about you give me a little sugar?” I moved just out of reach of his advance. In his anger he stood grabbing me by the throat making me stand up as well.

“You little bitch no one refuses Hatomi Mizuki.”

At that moment Haruhi showed up.

“Hey let her go.”

He threw me across the balcony at Haruhi’s feet I winced in pain.

“No good filthy Host club always ruining a good time.”

I reached up to my neck in horror to find my necklace missing. I looked up at the stranger my necklace dangling from his fingers.

“Looking for this? Well I hope you can catch.”

He wound his arm back and threw it from the balcony. A loud shriek was heard bouncing off the walls and over the music playing I didn’t even realize it was me screaming.

“NO!”

Without thinking about it I ran toward the edge stepping up the bench and over the ledge with my hands outstretched. It fell just beyond my grasp, my tears floated up in the night sky as I fell. I closed my eyes as I fell closer to the ground. Mom, dad i’m sorry that i failed you.

Beep. . .

Beep. . .

Why does my body hurt?

Beep. . .

Beep. . .

What is that sound am I in Heaven? I slowly open my eyed and close them again from the harsh white light. I try to open my eyes again more prepared, I blink a few times to clear the blurriness from my eyes. When did I get here?

“Oh good you’re awake!”

I turned to the door to see Haruhi walk in.

“You had us all very worried Karasu.”

“M-My necklace , , , did you find it.”

I spoke faintly trying to keep any tears from falling.

“Uh . . no we didn’t I’m sorry.”

My shoulders started to shake as I couldn’t keep them back any longer. Haruhi hugged be and let me cry on her shoulder. She would be the only one I’d let see me cry. as the other host members filed in I rubbed the tears away replacing it with a fake smile which faultered every so slightly when Kyoya didn’t come in. Maybe he had better things to do . . . .

After a week in the hospital I was released. It wasn’t too bad the Host club visited me every day trying to cheer me up, well except Kyoya. My first day back felt weird, everything had changed but I couldn’t pin point how. Where my friendship with everyone had strengthen my friendship with Kyoya had colden to a dead stop.

He didn’t even sit with us at lunch and when I tried to talk to him during club time he would either be busy or couldn’t be found. I found even my artwork was effected by his absence I just didn’t have the inspiration for anything. I sighed heavily as I stared at my blank page. What if I had lost my talent forever that can happen can’t it? What was I going to do?
Lunch time I sat at our usual table waiting hoping that perhaps today would finally be different than the other ones but sadly no.

“Karasu what’s the matter?”

“Yeah you haven’t been the same since the party.”

I just sat there picking at my food not really sure what to say until Haruhi sat down.

“It’s Kyoya isn’t it?”

“Yeah. He hasn’t talked to me or even sat by me since the dance.”

“Can you blame him?”

“Truth is Ka-san you made us all very worried.”

“We thought we had lost you when you jumped.”

“But it hurt Kyoya the worst, he stayed by your side until we made him leave to get some sleep.”

I looked up at them and saw the sadness in their eyes. I had seen that look before mirrored in my own eyes only this time I know I had put it there.

“Guys I’m so sorry I had know idea. But I need to find Kyoya I need to apologize to him.”

I stood up wiping the stray tears that fallen off my cheeks as I ran out of the lunch hall. Had I really become so dense, so wrapped up in myself that I couldn’t see that they loved me? Mom, dad you left me so long ago I forgot to let others in. I didn’t want to go through the pain of losing anyone I loved ever again but how do you open the doors you’ve fought so hard to keep close?

I ran through the halls, my lungs burning as I finally made it to the club doors.

“Kyoya I’m sor. . .”

There before my eyes sat Kyoya only he wasn’t alone he had another girl feeding him chocolates on his lap. My heart had stopped in that instance, my dream turned into a nightmare? As he started to get up I turned on my heels and ran out.

“Karasu wait!”

The tears came in endless streams as I ran I thought that maybe just maybe he felt there was something between us. How stupid of me to think fairytales existed. I was surprised to feel someone grab my arm and pin me to the wall. Kyoya.

“Why would you just leave like that!”

“I-I saw that you were busy with that girl and I wanted to give you privacy.”

“So you thought you’d just run away? First jumping off a balcony then this haven’t you been inconsiderate enough?”

“That was different that necklace meant the world to me.”

“So you thought you’d die for it? What could possibly be in that locket that you couldn’t easily rebuy?”

“My mom and dad. They died when I was young and a part of their ashes lay sealed in that locket it’s all I have left of them.”

I tried to smile even though I was still crying, Kyoya’s hands that had pinned me loosened.

“I-I had no idea Karasu please forgive me.”

I reached one hand up caressing his cheek.

“I aready have.”

He dipped his head down and kissed me softly right as the bell rangs. A few cat calls where whistled by the host club.

“Geez you guys get a room or something.”

Kyoya picked me up and together we went back to the Host club. Back inside we sat together getting to know each other better. There in the middle of us talking I could see it in his eyes that the girl from before couldn’t make his eyes sparkle like that.

Christmas, like winter had come and gone so quickly and already spring had come in full bloom being part of the host club had kept me plenty busy. Even my relationship with Kyoya had deepened I had already met his family and on New Years I took him to my mom and dad’s grave. But lately he’s been acting a bit weird even for Kyoya.

“So, has Kyoya been acting weird lately or is it just me?” I asked as I sat down at the lunch table.

“Weird how?”

“I don’t know just suspicious like he’s hiding something.”

“He’s not hiding anything.”

“Yeah nothing at all.”

“Way not to sound suspicious guys.”

Before I could say anything an overly happy Honey and a normal Mori made their way to the table.

“Ka-san, Kyoya sent us to ask you to meet him at the fountain in the middle of the Queen’s Garden which is through the rose maze.”

“O-oh ok.”

I got up giving everyone a questioning glance, none of them would look me in the eyes which led me to believe they were all in on it. I don’t know exactly what was going on but I was knew the only way I’d find out is if I met him there. The sakura trees by the maze’s entrance was in full bloom and it was a breath taking sight.

Right before I got to the fountain in the middle of the maze I over heard some one talking to themselves. I peeked around the hedge and there Kyoya paced muttering words that made no sense from where I stood. Watching him being flustered made me smile knowing this was not something many people saw. My heart started beating fast. Mom, dad I think I love him. A twig snapped behind me and as I turned two men grabbed me. There in front of me stood Mizuki only with a few more scars on his face then I remember that night he threw my necklace.

“Well sweet heart funny finding you here.”

His grin made me sick to my stomach. I was led out to the fountain with Mizuki in front.

“Ootori I’ve come to take my revenge on what you did to my handsome face by cutting up her pretty smile.”

He pulled out a sharp katana and as Kyoya made a move to come closer he instantly put the blade to my throat halting kyoya.

“Tsk. Tsk. Try to stop me and I’ll kill her outright. Now doll face how about we make sure you’re always smiling for me.”

He raised the katana to my lips, my eyes closed tightly as tears freely flowed from my eyes. I opened my eyes when i heard grunts of pain to see Honey beating the crap out of Mizuki and when Mori attacked the men holding me me they released and I started to fall forwarded just to be enveloped by Kyoya. He picked me up and carried me to the other side of the fountain and sat me down on the bench kneeling in front of me.

“That’s the second time I thought my world was crashing down around me what are we going to do with you.”

He cupped my cheek lightly making me face him.

“I guess you’ll just have to stay by me forever.”

He smiled before dipping his head down kissing me even so gently on the lips. I could feel the heat rising to my cheeks and my heart trying to beat out of my chest. Yes mom and dad I am in love him I think you would be proud. He broke the kiss and looked at me seriously.

“Karasu I know we have a few more years of school but marry me, be my wife and I will protect you forever and a day.”
And there beside his head I saw my necklace glistening in the sunlight. I smiled, a true genuine smile that I hadn’t done since my parents died. This was them giving their blessing.

“Yes of course Kyoya.”

And he picked me up swinging me in the air kissing me again.

Mom, Dad you no longer have to worry about me anymore I’m no longer alone.

As the Brightest Star Enters the Sky a Little Piece of me Dies.

I’m not the kind of girl that cries, weeps, wallows and I’ve always had a sense of pride in keeping myself calm and collected. But after hearing Robin Williams passing earlier this week I can’t seem to stop crying whenever I see a post or picture of him. Robin Williams was an extraordinary man that gave selflessly and worked hard to make others around him feel good.

To know that he killed himself is even more heart breaking, how many times through movies, tv shows, and radio shows has he been able to make all of us smile? As a person who also battles depression I know how easy it is to look happy on the outside while turmoil is wrecking your insides. I also know seeking help doesn’t always help the way people thinks it does because sometimes you bit a point of no return.

 More comedians and actors will eventually come and go in the business but Robin Williams is a man that will forever stay through time and space. I only hope that now where ever he is that he is finally happy and free. You’re free now Genie . . . . .